Well, it seems that not everyone is pleased with what you say. Perhaps you didn’t mean anything bad in your words, but you should put yourself in others’ shoes. Do you think they will take it the same way you expect them to?

Ya, that is it.

I, personally, never think that much before saying anything. Not even thrice; not even twice. It's like my mouth is ungated, out of control. There's ever one situation where I was so mad about one thing (you shouldn't know). And a friend, T, apologized to me for what he did. Well, he didn't actually make some big problems or what, but I was just really, really mad that time that I didn't even know I could scold at him like that. T was shocked. But I was not. I was mad, remember? And my mouth is out of control. As usual.

During the next one week, T didn't greet me at school. Like, AT ALL. Nope. No hello, no messages, and even no "Could you solve this one?" at Math class like we ALWAYS used to be. And at that time, I didn't really care.

Until few days later passed by, I finally felt awkward with him. I texted him and asked "What is wrong with us?" and as I remember, he only answered, "Nothing much, put." And I decided not to reply back. I'm an ego. It's hard for me to wave the white flag first. If I didn't think I've made a mistake, why should I feel sorry? And oh goodness, who he thinks he is! Ya. That is, what on my thought feeeeww months ago, before I start growing mature. Well, that time, the common sense it is which helped me to get through the awkward moment and attempted to be the bestfriend of him again. So as I remember, I apologized to him. Via SMS. I know, I'm a fucked-up little chicken.

And fortunately, he forgave me. Is it right, T? :)

But then, there's one day, Friday if I'm not mistaken, where me and my acceleration fellas, gathering in a circle, sat, and played "Just tell the truth!". LOL. And it is, if I'm not mistaken again, two days before the National Exam started. Almost-two-years trapped in a class together, shared the same feeling of frustated and depressed because of the hectic schedule of subjects, of course huge enough to make us feel senasib-sepenanggungan. We're almost like a family. :) Ah ya, back to the topic. Well, that time, we played the game, kind of Truth or Dare but it is only Truth or... Truth. hahaha. The turn was decided with whirling the bottle of Aqua or something. And one by one, we shared our own truth. Who are the persons we hate, who are the persons we thank a lot, what is our feeling about something, et cetera.

Until it was T's turn to play.

I still remember, very clearly, about everything he said. Begini kurang lebih, "Gue ngerasa seneng banget di aksel... Di sini gue belajar banyak... bla bla bla... Gue sendiri orangnya sering memandang rendah orang lain, gue akuin itu, bla bla bla... Tapi di samping itu, sebenernya ada satu orang yg gue kurang suka sikapnya belakangan ini. Yaitu Putri. Kenapa putri? Karena dia ngomongnya suka ceplas-ceplos. Gue sendiri pernah ngalamin. Waktu itu begini begini, terus pas gue sms baik-baik, dia responnya malah nggak enak.. Jujur gue orangnya ga gampang untuk dibentak-bentak seperti itu. bla bla bla....."

Jujur ya. Sangat menohok. The words left me breathless. And when T stared at me, I only smiled and murmured, "Sorry..". Err what we call it? Senyum miris? I couldn't think righteously. The words is inevitably right. But I couldn't accept it; my ego couldn't. But then goes to another person turns, Sarah, Inten, Dessy, Happy, Fadhlia, Dwika. They all said the same thing like T just said before. "Put, lo tuh ceplas-ceplos. Kadang suka nyakitin hati. Gue tau lo pinter, tapi ga usah lah ditunjukkin. Bikin sakit hati." Even Fadhlia said, "Ada suatu saat yang gue sampe nangis di rumah gara2 kepikiran omongan lo Put."

And that. That time. I finally cried. Not sobbing anyways, only a little cry, cause my heart cried muuuch much louder. I feel like losing some friends. And I, after all, could put myself in others' shoes. I feel hurt. I must have been feeling hurt if I were them. And then the game was at last finished. We ended it up with hugging each other. Saying sorry to each other. And still on the circle, we put our hands together, and yelled, "GO AKSEL GO AKSEL GO!" (hahaha iya gue tau kok, ga kreatif banget kan?)

And I also apologized to Fadhlia, Dwika, Sarah, and all the people I hurt on the past. Oh, also to T! I apologized to him like in gazillion times! LOL. And you know what? The sentences of them forgiving me, that time, is such a releasing pain-killer. It's like the feeling you got right after Lebaran passed, only this one is much much much more releasing. I feel blessed. I feel welcomed again.

And about the T... Well, if you read this, I just wanna say sorry once again. You gave me a great lesson of life. You teached me how to down to Earth even when you are the most clever person in the world. You teached me how to choose the priority and solve only the most urgent things to solve. I don't know, but if it's not because of you and O, I wouldn't be this mature right know. Well, okay, I'm not that mature, but at least I'm not that childish anymore. I don't annoy people like I always used to do.. (or I still do?) hehe

Acceleration Family, 2008-2010, is such a special gift God gives to me. I learn a lot there, a lot more than just educational stuffs. I met cool people, which now mostly I became close friends with. hehe. But most of all, I can be me there. I can be the one I really am. Because you guys always welcome me, no matter how freak I am. heheh we're all freak, aren't we? :p

So this is it. I gotta take a bath. And I'm as hungry as pumpkin, oh goodness! (padahal tadi baru makan kebab) --"

Feel blessed,