I Should Admit This' Just Another Piece Of Crap

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So here I am again, wakeful. I have been thinking about something lately, which is the reason why I am wide-awake every night.

Before, I was sitting in front of my laptop, my fingers rested on every letter. I wanted to write. I wanted to create just one brilliant story. But I couldn’t. I didn’t make any sense. My head was filled. What filled my head I did not know. The fear of writing again was the interruption. Once I hold a pen in my right hand and blankly stare at blank pages, I become intimidated. I am afraid that when I start writing I would discover that I do not have anything to write. Again, I did not make sense. It is funny to see that I write under circumstances like these. When I am not forced or where I am not surrounded by eventful activities or in this case, when I have nothing to write at all.

But in fact, I keep on writing and writing, shaping one word after one word, figuring what story I would come up with at the end. Nothing. Yet.

It’s actually not that I don’t have anything to write. Instead, it's actually because I have become excess with enormous quantity of words which now conquering my peanut-sized brain so I couldn’t write anything properly in this sheet at this very moment. But I guess I will force my brain to work pretty harder so I could write anything I should write down here.

Oh man. I don’t even know if my grammar is practically correct or not.

Have I triggered a pain inside your head?

Well, here. I have two major things bothering my mind quite a lot these days. First, it’s about my departure to Yogyakarta in only 4 days ahead. Why does it bother me? Because, first, the circumstance will force me to live alone in there, in my dormitory. While me, ever since I born, never actually living alone without my parents by my side. And leaving my parents that way is kind of making me frustrated. Moreover the Ramadhan month is coming even closer! I can’t cook! I can’t wake up early in the middle of the night to eat sahur! I can’t control my life the way my mom used to control it to me! I would just mess it up and my Ramadhan month would be pretty sucks. I don’t have any idea how to manage myself during the coming up living-alone life.

Okay. I have elaborated it quite structured, haven’t I? At least I've made you catch up my point, no? Err... Whatever.

Second thing, it’s about my idiot love flick! I got two major stories of all. First off, something about my “best crush” which I lately reveal pretty much obvious in Tumblr. But soooo sorry I wouldn’t share you guys the url up here. It’s way too private. Second off, something about my “best brother” which I had written in Tumblr pretty much clear—and long—as well. So, I won’t spend more time talking about the two of it in here.

See? This is nonsense. Then why in the world you start to write, Put? I do not know.

Ah… These eyes have got blurred. My head aches but I don’t feel sleepy at all. I guess I will be wide-awake for the rest of the night... But the post is quite long enough so I will just post it on and…. Poof. I’m gone.

Honey, I've told you. This is just another piece of crap and I didn't make any sense. Why did you start reading?

Random In The Midnight

Midnight already. And I’m still sleepless. What to do? Write a post, shall I?

Well, typically me, setiap saat sebelum tidur pasti banyak banget deh yang dipikirin. Bahkan kayaknya pikiran gue paling aktif bekerja saat menjelang tidur. Dan itu menjelaskan mengapa mimpi-mimpi gue kebanyakan campur-aduk dan abnormal. Jadi, daripada gue mimpi macem-macem, dan semua hal yang gue pikirin malah tidak tersampaikan, mending gue tulis disini aja kali ya. Haha what can I say? I always love sharing with strangers! But this is all random, kalo ada hal lain yang lebih penting untuk dikerjain, mendingan kerjain dulu aja deh. Hahaha mau dibaca nggak sih Put? Well, oke. Here, just finish the list and… In-joy!

1. Muhammad Fauzan Triandi (the same person in this post), sahabat terdekat gue selama dua tahun ini, Alhamdulillah baru saja keterima di Teknik Kimia Universitas Indonesia dan Sekolah Farmasi Institut Teknologi Bandung. To make it short, pokoknya gue seneng banget. Waktu tau dia keterima UI, gue bahkan sampe langsung terduduk lemas di lantai gitu. Padahal dia sendiri belum tau beritanya. Hahaha hebat kan gue. But he decided to take ITB anyway. Well, whatever he takes, I will always support and encourage him! Inget deh waktu dia keterima Farmasi ITB, dia langsung tanya gue, “Ade seneng?” (dengan emot nangis terharu) Gue kontan langsung bales pake capslock. “Seneng banget Ka, Demi Tuhan, kita jadi satu jurusan gini!” hahaha. But then I remember. Bandung – Jogja ya? It’s 9 hours by train. Meskipun kita nggak pacaran atau apa, tapi tetep aja dia salah satu orang paling berpengaruh dalam hidup gue. Nggak tau deh ya, apa gue bisa tahan? :'(

2. Gue putus sama Restu. Dari bulan April kemaren. Hehe basi ya? Tapi masalah ini somehow sering melintas aja gitu di pikiran gue sebelum gue tidur. Jadi gini lho sodara-sodara, semenjak gue putusin itu, dia jadi antipati banget sama gue. SMS dan mention gue di twitter kebanyakan ga dibales, kalo pun dibales juga singkat padat ga jelas gitu. Ya keki lah ya gue. Secara gue yang mutusin, ga niat juga kali gue ngejar-ngejar dia buat balikan atau apa, gue cuma pengen menyambung tali silaturahmi aja. Tapi dia kayaknya nangkepnya gue ngejar-ngejar dia gitu. Hahaha funny eh? Sampe akhirnya, entah gimana ceritanya, gue malah jadi deket sama keluarga dia. Terutama Mama dan adeknya yang paling kecil. Gue jadi sering jalan bareng si Tante gitu. Dan adeknya, De Acha, juga nempeeeel banget sm gue. Apa-apa sama gue, apa-apa sama gue. Berasa babysitter abis. Dan termasuk si Om juga; tiap dia tugas ke luar negeri pasti bawain gue oleh-oleh. Kemaren dibeliin lukisan gitu dari Jepang (lucu banget!), dan tiga cup eskrim (Haagen Dazs) dari Aussie. Haha makasih ya Om! :) Oh ya, si Tante sama Om ini katanya sih pengen banget gue sm Abang balikan lagi. Kata Om, sejak Abang jadian sama Putri, semangat belajarnya jadi meningkat (iya lho, dia sampe mendadak rangking 1 gitu! HAHAHA gue merasa keren!), terus Putri juga baik, cantik, pinter, ga macem-macem, dst dst dst. Aduh gimana ya, emang gue ini calon menantu idaman banget kali yaaa…. HUAHAHAHAHAHA minta ditampar lo Put. Oke, to make it short again (padahal udah panjang), akhirnya one day gue ngajak dia balikan. Jeng jeng jeng jeng! Iya lho gue beneran ngajakin dia balikan! Dan tau ngga apa jawabannya? “Ga mau. Gue udah suka sama orang lain.” JLEB TO THE MAX! Eh tolong ya, Restu, gue ngajak lo balikan juga karena dorongan dari orangtua lo kali, najis! Kepedean banget sih lo, sok kecakepan! Ditolak tau rasa lo! (Eh tapi kalo diterima pun pasti ceweknya ga sebaik gue) --> minta ditampar lagi.

(Me and De Acha)
*Aduh itu pipinya mita dimamam banget deh! hahaha*
Click here for more photos of me and her. ;)

3. Gue lagi demen dengerin lagu Vidi Aldiano – Cemburu Menguras Hati. Huahahahahha berasa alay ga sih? Iya, alay ya? Tapi beneran enak lho. Serius deh, vibranya Vidi tuh gimanaaa gitu berasa menggetarkan hati. Hahah anjrit gue ga banget deh ah! (fyi, bahkan sekarang pun lagu ini yang lagi playing di telinga gue. Oke, silahkan ngakak!) Eh, maaf, Vidies, no offense. :)

4. Lusa gue ke Jogja. Eh, ralat, besok deh. Ini udah Senin kan? Hehe. Iya, besok gue ke jogjaaaaa. Sendiri lho, sendiri! Hebat kan? Pengalaman pertama nih ke luar kota sendiri! Woohoo agak takut juga sih. Tapi ga apa-apa, harus mulai berani dari sekarang. Kan udah gede Put! (ceilah). Oh ya penerbangannya yang jam 6 pagi lho. Biar nyampe sana langsung ketemu Indita dan Sasha, my bestfriends I found from blogger, dan maen seharian sampe puaaaaas! Ah I bet it’s gonna be suuuuper fun! Can hardly wait for tomorrow! xD

5. Handphone gue rusak parah! Yah, emang udah jadul sih, Sony Ericsson W380i, yang ungu imut-imut gitu lho. HAHA ralat, DULU sih iya imut-imut waktu masih baru, sekarang mah amit-amit gelaaa! Udah sompel-sompel gitu keypadnya (terus masa kata Tio itu sengaja gue sompelin?! Ya nggak lah! Kurang kerjaan amat coba gue!); USB port-nya udah bapuk, connector buat charger dan headset juga udah mendekati ajal (mau ngecharge susah banget meeen!), layarnya udah penuh goresan, flip-flapnya hampir copot, dan masih banyak lagi kecacatannya. Hahaha kayaknya kalo gue jual IDR 50.000 juga ga akan ada yang mau bok ya? Tapi tenang kata Papa nanti dia mau beliin gue hape baru. Tapi nggak sekarang, katanya gue belum perlu. Lagi liburan ini kan? Ntar pas udah mau deket-deket kuliah aja. Dan yang ini otomatis ga akan dijual dong, penuh kenangan gitu selama dua taun di aksel. :) (anyway, kayaknya sih ga akan beli BB deh yaaa… entah kenapa gue ga tertarik banget sm BB. Affordable sih sebenernya, bokap gue juga bukannya ga mampu beliin BB, tapi guenya ga kepengen aja gitu. Kayaknya mending nokia E63 ato iPhone sekalian! BB overrated banget, gue malah jadi berasa alay kalo make BB, apalagi kalo dipakenya cuma buat twitter-an dan fb-an. Iuuhh). Eh, no offense lagi ya BB user! Pendapat pribadi gue kok. :)

6. Gue lagi sakit perut PMS nih. Ini juga jadi salah satu alesan sakral kenapa gue susah tidur gini daritadi—selain semua alasan diatas tentunya. Huhuuuu kata si Kakak sih suru diangetin pake air anget, tapi males bikinnya harus keluar kamar. :’(((

7. I miss him. I miss my brother. Awfully. Dia lagi di Bandung sekarang. Oh this can’t be any clearer. Hahaha yes I miss Mr. Fauzan Triandi—who never actually missed me back. But I just do. I don’t care if he missed me too or not. I just…. miss him. Tuh kaaaan kalo nanti kepisah Bandung – Jogja gimana cobaaa? Huhuhu :’( (mulai mellow)

8. Oke, post ini kayaknya terlalu frontal ya? Tapi bodo ah. :P

9. Oh ya, missing your own brother is not a mistake, eh? I used to do all sorts of things with him. We shared the desk during our two years in acceleration, kemana-mana bareng (kecuali ke WC), kalo minta pendapat pasti harus ke dia dulu, dan begitupun dia ke gue. Kalo ngobrol di telpon bisa sampe jam setengah 12 malem, sebelum akhirnya dua-duanya ngantuk dan tidur deh. hahaha. Jadi kayaknya aneh aja gitu kalo mulai kuliah nanti, ga ada dia lagi di sisi gue. Ga ada yang siap sedia dengerin cerita gue lagi 24 jam. Ga ada yang nenangin gue kalo gue lagi ada masalah, sampe nangis-nangis sesenggukan di depan dia. Pasti bakal aneh banget kan. Dan anyway, dia bakalan pindah ke Bandung, entirely his family, mulai pertengahan Juli besok. Jadi, kalo gue nanti pulang ke Serang, gue ga bisa maen sama dia. Harus ke Bandung! Anjriiit sedih banget ga sih. Huhuhuks :'(((

10. Sudah poin ke-10 dan gue belum juga ngantuk.

11. How’s the World Cup goin’? I don’t really into it, anyway. Gue ga terlalu suka bola. Tapi kayaknya gue dukung Perancis deh. Habis negaranya kan bagus, jadi pasti menang. Haha ga nyambung deh Put. Ya gitu lah pokoknya. Gue ga ngerti bola. Apa sih serunya ngeliatin 22 orang rebutan satu bola di lapangan gede gitu? Mana suara terompetnya weird banget lagi, kayak suara tawon ga berenti-berenti gitu! Hih mending nonton NBA kemana-mana deh! (YAY LAKERS!) Oh ya tapi opening ceremony-nya kemaren keren juga lumayan. Hahaha cemen abis gue nonton itunya doang.

12. Ah yaaaa tanggal 26 besok gue farewell lho! Eh, tapi jadi nggak ya? Duh, ga asik banget kalo ga jadi. Semoga jadi deh. Adek-adekku anggota OSIS yang keren, kerja yang bener ya biar farewell-nya jadi, gue udah booking kebaya lho. Hohoho, dan gue juga udah ngebayangin temen-temen aksel gue yang pada bocek (childish –red) itu make kebaya dan jas. Pasti keren-keren semua deeehh… xD

13. Hamster gue hari ini ulang tahun yang ke-sebulan lho! Hahahaha iya dong udah sebulan tinggal di rumah gue. Keren kan bisa awet gitu… Eh, btw, udah gue kasih makan belum ya tadi? Ah tau ah. Mereka harus diet, udah terlalu gendut! Bahaya kan kalo sampe obesitas… (alibi padahal emang males ngasih makan)

Here they are... Hahaha iya hobinya emang ngegigitin besi kandang. Namanya Rhino dan Eric.
Ahh... Aren't they cute as hell? :#)
Click here for more photos of them.

14. *stare the clock* *yawn* Udah jam setengah satu nih, kayaknya gue mau tidur aja deh.

Well, this is Putri over and out. CIAO!

When

How do you know when you’re in love with someone? Is it when he’s the first thing that comes into your mind when you wake up and the last thing that you think of before you go to sleep? Or is it when your heart melts every time he looks into your eyes? The truth is, the signs come in a thousand different ways.

When you’re having a really bad day and hearing his voice on the phone just makes it all go away. When all you want to do is listen to him talk passionately about his plans for the future. When you would sacrifice your shopping time just to cheer him up on the field. When a mention of his name makes you miss him so much. When all you want to do is staying up and taking care of him when he’s sick. When your face glows every time you meet him. When even the way he laughs and eats and sleeps fascinate you. When you realize you can finish each other’s sentences. When you can recognize his perfume from miles away. When you laugh when he laughs. When you love seeing the reflection of yourself in his eyes. When you can’t stop smiling every time people talk about the two of you. When you remember him in your prayer. When you feel that he’s the only one who can understand you. When everything that makes him happy will make you happy, no matter how hurtful it is inside. When you’re often torn between your own egocentricity and your feelings for him. When really you’re mad at him but all you want to do is cry on his shoulder. When you can’t help glancing at him every other second as you’re both in the car and he’s seriously watching the traffic. When you actually enjoy the moment when he’s teasing you eventhough you’re pissed. When you dreams of yourself being married to him with kids. When you want to be the woman who makes him coffee and puts on his tie every morning. When you’re seriously reconsidering the relocation because it means leaving him as you move to another country. When you find his boyish whining attitude is endearing. When you find his snoring endearing. When you have your own nickname for him. When every time his name pops up in your inbox you smile. When you gladly wipes his sweat as he changes your flat tire. When you find his singing entertaining eventhough he can’t carry a tune. When you forget when was the last time his name doesn’t cross your mind. When you can remember perfectly the sound of his funny laugh, his fake laugh, and his amused laugh. When he’s the only face you want to be on your 500 bucks Anya Hindmarch be-a-bag. When you would stay awake just to watch him sleep. When you’re seriously thinking of getting a tattoo of his name on your left. When he makes you happy and makes you cry at the same time. When you want him to always be your ‘imam’ when you’re praying. When you’re glad that you can be helpless sometimes because it means you can rely on his strong arms to help you. When being with him makes you want to be a better person. When everything could go wrong in the world and it’s okay, because he’s there, with you.

- as written on Ika Natassa's Tumblr.

Bold what you feel and lemme know if you post it later on. :)

Much love,

Eternal Love, Is It For Real?

image source

It kinda funny how love works so fast. 

Such like love at first sight. Has it come to you, peeps? 

Hmm, well, for me myself, yes it has. No no no, I mean, it doesn’t work. I thought it's a love at first, but at the end, I realized, it was not. I only admired him, but I didn’t love him at all. So, what they called love at first sight, is totally wrong for me. It is not love, it is passion. 

But at this moment, I’m not gonna tell you about that, I’m gonna tell you about how love could lasting forever—or at least, for very long time. Unremitting. But hey fellas, one you should know is, it rarely happens. Only one in a thousand....

But for sure, guys, a gentleman in my life, have that kind of love.

And ridiculously, that eternal love is meant for me. 

For the sake of tartar sauce! What is so special about Putri Erdisa Januarti? Whose name is not even recognized by the president, whose name is not even recognized by the headmaster in her school! What is so special about me?

And, oh my gosh, please do forgive my mistake… I ignored his love. 

I don’t know what happened to me, but I don’t have any feeling with him! I can't, even if I tried to. It seems like we’re made to be friends, not to be a lovemate or whatever. It is weird how a person, who loves me sincerely, can’t get my own love in return! It seems like… love is unfair. Very unfair.

Ah, I don’t know. I feel so guilty right now. It hurts, fellas, it really hurts to hurt a close friend; he is a real chum of mine! Okay you might ask me like this,

“So why, Putri, if you feel guilty on him, why don’t you just accept him as your boyfriend? You should be having a special feeling with him even if it’s so tiny!”

Well, the answer for the question is: I don’t have any special feeling on him. Not even a tiny one. So, if I did accept him, but in fact I have no feeling on him, it would be so much more unfair for him, right? Settle down with a person who just pretending to love the mate, is absolutely a misery! 

Oh sucks! I hate being into such situation like this! I mean, do I have any choice? No. The only choice is “no”.

But it really, really hurts to ignore a person who loves me eternally. Endlessly.

(fyi, he has loving me about 2 years!! Cool, uh?)

But then, at the end, I don’t know what I should do now. Maybe it’s proper if I just let him still for awhile. I don’t know. I totally am a newbie for these stuffs. 

So, is there any suggestion, chums? I really need it.

This post is dedicated to the gentleman who has give me that eternal love, R,

you know ka? i will never forget you,