Fin

Last night. Is the worst night of my life.

All the problems started when I tried to scold on him. Rude and discourteous. And for the first time of our relationship, he scolded me back. I was shocked.

Hence we fought. Immensely.

Till at last I asked him. “Kamu mau aku yang putusin atau kita ngomong putus bareng?”

I barely even think before I said that sacred word. Putus. 

So he answered me, curtly, “Silahkan.” One word. One sword. 

I was deadly hurt. No—I am deadly hurt.

And so we’re split up. End it all up. 

Fin.

At first I couldn’t believe it. I shrugged, “This must be a joke!”, so I called him. 
“Tadi beneran ya?”

“Yaaaa….” –he tried to give me his sweetest tone, but more sounded like a teaser tone. Not even tempting me.

We’re both quite. 

“Euh… Okay then. Bye.” –I said.

I gazed on my phone. “So this is real.”—I murmured.

You know what? It’s like I was petrified that time. Stupefied for about a whole minute.

Then I realize something, whispered to myself, “Why can’t I cry?”

I know what the answer is…

The wound is too deep. You know, if you are falling from a bicycle, then your knee hit a big rock, and so the blood is gushing from your opened skin, you will feel like you’re not there. Somewhere outside your real body. You are being another people who seeing a boy with the wounded knee. Whereas the boy is you yourself.

So was I that time.

I was being insensible. Too hurt to be felt.

My chest was like tightened by a studded belt.
“I need some air.”—I begged. It was really hard to breathe.

After few seconds I did not breathe, nor winked (it’s true, I’m not lying), I took my cell phone from the desk, and also the headphone. I thought, “Maybe hear some song would relax me off.”
Therefore I brought my senseless finger to Mp3 menu. Played it. 

Secondhand Serenade—Your Call

Lady Gaga—Poker Face

Bon Jovi—Lost Highway

…

I listened gently. “Everything’s gonna be okay, Put. This is not as bad as you might think.”—I kept convincing myself.

I started smiling. 

Till the Random Shuffle setting of my phone brought me to a song. A song which would break my entire defense.

Taylor Swift—Breathe
(I enjoyed the guitar played..)

I see your face in my mind as I drive away,
Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.

“Oh my God! This is so true!”—I yelled on my heart.
Yeah, I never even thought it’s gonna end this way.

People are people,
And sometimes we change our minds.

Dude, don’t you know I changed my mind now?! Oh my God! What in Earth I was thinking of that time!!! 

But it’s killing me to see you go after all this time.

Oh my God! It couldn’t be worse! This is deadly true!

Mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm

Music starts playin’ like the end of a sad movie,
It’s the kinda ending you don’t really wanna see.

I don’t wanna see ending like this. I really don’t want to. (I started crying).

Cause it’s tragedy and it’ll only bring you down,
Now I don’t know what to be without you around.

I don’t know. I don’t have any idea what I would be after you left me this way!!!!

And we know it’s never simple,
Never easy.

Never, dude, you thought it’s easy for me, but it’s NOT!

Never a clean break, no one here to save me.

Not a clean break. So not. And yeah, who will save me now? Nobody!

You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand,

…….

And I can’t,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

I can’t breathe without you. Sounds so drama queen, but it’s scarily true, my friend. I forgot how to breathe.

Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt.

I don’t wanna see you hurt. But this mouth destroys everything! You wouldn’t even forgive me, would you?

Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.

I always want to protect you.

But people are people,
And sometimes it doesn’t work out,

Yeah. I’m just an ordinary people. Just like you. Sometimes things didn’t work like I wanted it to.

Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out.

I sobbed.

And we know it’s never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand,

And I can’t,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

I sobbed.

It’s two a.m.

It’s 11 p.m.

Feelin' like I just lost a friend.

I really lost a friend. A best friend.

Hope you know it’s not easy,

I really hope you know.

Easy for me.

Never easy for me.

It’s two a.m.
Feelin’ like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know this ain’t easy,
Easy for me.

I sobbed louder.

And we know it’s never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.

No one lays on my side now. No one.

Ohhh

Aaarrghhh!!

I can’t,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

I HAVE TO BREATHE!

Sorry (oh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry....

I really do sorry…….